A Learned Member Provides a Simple Analysis of the Word "Sucker"
By Keith Nadel, PHD, MD, AC4FW
I have it on good authority that the noted British scholar, W. C. Fields, DD, was the originator of the term "sucker" and used it very selectively when, like an earlier alumnus, Sir Isaac Newton, provided sudden, but brilliant insight to a phenomenon of nature. While Sir Isaac evolved the laws of gravitational attraction and the physics of motion, Mr Fields derived his inspirational insight by merely the sound of a cork popping from a bottle. Rumor has it that the bottle was half full with a liquid which caused a resonance that invariably brought a new and obtuse thought to the noteworthy gentleman's subconscious.
Mr Fields had a habit. He smacked his lips and the sound mimicked the cork's removal from the bottle and he approximated the sound as "suck" even though it was actually a "pop". From this word "suck", he began calling the cork a "sucker"; a term he applied to a host of things.
Being of a humorous frame of mind, he referred to his fellow man as suckers aloud and silently, depending upon the level of gastric activator in the bottle and the sound the "pop" produced. When addressing the London School of Economics as guest speaker, he ended a brilliant presentation when he inadvertently heard a discrete sound of a cork popping. His immediate reaction was to coin the phrase, "Never give a sucker an even break."
The British journal, Lancet, is awash with Mr Fields' erudite renditions concerning the natural formation and existence of the Dark Sucker, as published by the Editor of Spurious Emissions, an obscure monthly aimed at the geriatric crowd in Brevard County, Florida. The distingished scholar authoring the Dark Sucker piece unfortunately overlooked the fact that modern day physics, based upon the primitive utterance of the late Mr Fields, has found there to be a red sucker and a blue one also. These phenomena are precipitated by sound also, as is the case of Fields' "sucker". The red sucker, a fairly recent discovery, is apparent only when a siren is sounded and finds its origin in WWI air raids over Vichy, France. The blue sucker is also induced by sound. Specifically, high decibel levels of human speech.
Similar to the EMF series of cations and anions and their replacement phenomena, the blue is superior to red and can displace it; red, para persue, is superior to black. The red, like the black, is mortal while the blue is ethereal. All three suckers suck light. The red also removes oxygen from the air while the blue contributes carbon dioxide. This latter observation was made by the noted actor, Mr Lee Marvin, FOS, FRS, and others of his rank.
The current use of the word "sucker" refers equally to animate and inanimate objects. The lowly lollipop is a sucker, likewise, when Admiral Byrd flew over the North Pole, he stated matter of factly, "Look at that sucker!" One person in the first row of a Los Vegas Review, upon viewing a lovely in the front row of the chorus, stated to his companion, "Just you look at them suckers!"
Thus, the term "sucker" is totally American. It often refers to any situation; anything living or dead, and any occasion. It cannot be accurately translated into any foreign language and have the same meaning as implied in the English language. We recently have tried in vain to insist to a French associate that "sucker" had a different implication than he applied to it. Finally, we understand from an obtuse source that Brach's Candy Division, a subsidiary of the American Cyanide Corporation, will soon initiate a class action suit that will insist that the term "sucker" actually refers to their hardball candies and will take issue with public speakers and obscure newspapers whose use of the term is indiscriminate.
(This clear as mud article was published for a confused readership in the March 1992 edition of Spurious Emission, the Indian River Radio Club newsletter.)
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